Stop Breaking My Heart
Tuesday, January 16, 2007

changes
can i say im not used to it?
can i say i cant adapt it?
can i say i hate it?
i cant...

nightmare gonna come.
i felt as if ive lost everything. everything's just wrong.. so wrong today. (sorry if i piss u off today.. anyone of u.. it wasnt on purpose. im sorry guys)

trainings 3 times a week. consecutive 3 days. im tired..my arm's breaking.. it hurts my tutorials my sch work are all dying.. esp my chem yesh! i guess while time was travelling, it forgot all about me and left me somewhere far behind gawking at its speed... reny suggested to ask lihan to intro henry to us (he's just my hi-bye fren) so that he can teach us physics since he's so gd at it.. i dont mind. but yea.. do u even have the time for it?

breaking down soon.. i felt so alone.. so lost. it felt as in ive lost my independence. perhaps i just need to grow up soon.. like now?! i regretted. so badly regretted ive picked the wrong choice and everything just happened before i even realised it? i cant quit now.. just gonna carry on with it..
and soon i'll see you in mental hospital.. just admit that u cant dance

i should be happy. should be glad. sorry for all the selfish thoughts for now.. but im at a loss now

i felt like a puff. lookin hard and happy and nice outside, but hollow albeit for what little creamed up me i had inside.

ive been happy, more often than not over the past few days but as quickly as it started, it disappeared. sometimes. people disappoint me. i'm not tryin to sound all high and mighty or anything, that i'm so perfect that i don't disappoint people. i know i must have and i do. but sometimes... just leave me alone for now.

now the flower's gone. and everytime you walk by that patch of grass, looking forward to seeing that beautiful flower, it ain't there anymore. coz you killed it. and there's this hole somewhere in your heart, you feel incomplete somehow. you think back on the happier days, wishing you could bring it back, feeling super lousy knowing that even though you tried your very best to save it, but the moment's long gone. you can't bring it back to the way it was anymore, nor anywhere even close. coz this time it isn't 'you' anymore, but it's the other party, other factors. you lost the moment.

i know u are strong enough for this, gal.


kidnap me. please