Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Had lunch at TM yesterday.. with lots of ppl.. hmm.. they are nice.. really.. but not when they are teasing me or suaning me.. which is like.. all the time? Haha but they aren't nasty.. had lunch at BK.. sat at the same table with Rachel, amal and (oh-no-whats her name?) haha.. sorry. Hmm ya we were talking about some really shitty things lahz.. gross haha.. the guys got gross out by us too.. haha.. er yah.. then we went to toy'r'us! Omg!!! FUN! Haha yea amal, we should go there together often.. oh im so in love with the huge soft toy doggie.. haha but it costs 100 bucks. Im not that rich haha. Oh and when I was putting back, I broke the shelf ACCIDENTALLY! Oh I dont know what happened to me lahz.. thats not the only thing I broke that day.. oh no.. but u guys don't have to go on and on can?!
Going out later.. town.. winston called last night and say ABBA outing today.. then chenxi called again.. to confirm if im going.. diaoz.. how these ppl got my number?! And pls.. say who u are when I ask u can? Stop asking me to guess.. I take forever.. firstly, I don't talk to u all on the phone I cant recognize ur voice. Secondly, I will only think of those ppl who has my number right? Abish!
Anyway, was chatting with Adeline just now.. im so glad that she's ok now.. haha.. well, we need people to be honest to us. but knowing the truth hurts sometimes. everything comes with a price. so if you ask me if i'd rather not know the truth, and not know this pain, well, i think i'd still choose to feel the pain. no matter how silly and stupid you think i am, i'd choose to know the truth and feel the pain.
someone asked me once why i find it so hard to trust people. well. it's not really that. it's just that i start off trusting someone blindly, then i get burned. but no, i don't learn my lesson, and i go on trusting that same person again. and the cycle goes on and on, me trusting people and falling, which is why sometimes i get tired of trusting. i'm sick of being the brunt of people's jokes. i'm sick of getting hurt everytime i trust too much. sometimes i may seem untrusting, but it's all fake. after awhile i'll get back into the cycle. it still happens, and will continue to happen.
i wonder if i'll find a day when i can find someone i can totally trust, who will not betray my trust.
i don't want to play anymore, not when the stakes are so high... will i, one day find someone i can trust? or maybe, if i'm lucky enough, a few i can trust? will you be that someone, or that one out of the few? it doesn't matter. i'll trust you all the same. if you burn me once, i'll break, then i'll come back trusting you again. i'm that stupid. but well. i'll trust you anyway, but will you be kind enough, and save me from pain? so the cycle keeps going on and on, and i come out each time with a few more scars. not wounds, that can be healed overtime. but scars.
wholeheartedly, innocently. i gave you my trust.
yet deep into me the hurt you thrust.
btw, the 'you' (in the entire entry) does not refer to anyone in particular k. really. it just refers to the whole world. haha =p
Im missing some people terribly much now… Dory, Dinah, Aretha, jodine, grace, Alison, Amanda(s), ain, vanna, xyan!, aaron, joey, graham, tingxuan, Rachel k, esther, soo, syaz, arthi, Adeline (yes even though I just chatted with her), wanqi, becky, yingqi, aynur!, joslyn, lyn, ron.. argh… really miss u guys!!!
anyway, HAPPY BDAY RUIYI and SARAH-JANE!
kidnap me. please